We were off to a good start when our arrival at Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport lined up perfectly with a fire in the airport’s metro station. After a few drinks at the only bar that was still open in the arrival lounge at half eleven at night it became clear that the trains were not running and a fleet of Ubers were summoned. Most of which arrived. The organisers of the stag do kept many of the details close to their chest which included where we were staying for the duration. We were only given an address to give to the driver. Even though my group were the last to leave the airport we were the second to arrive in the NDSM district of Amsterdam where a couple members of the vanguard were waiting to guide us the rest of the way. Our humble abode for the weekend was the Lotus, a classic Dutch sailing barge built in 1889 complete with eight bunk rooms, eighteen beds, an open plan kitchen dinning area (as open as it could be on a boat) and its very own beer tap complete with a full keg. As the hours passed the boat filled up with the remaining members and the keg dwindled. Depending on who you asked to top your drink up depended on the ratio of beer to head you would receive and correlated to the amount of abuse they would receive in return. Some members of the party soon stood out from the pack that made you wonder if they have even been to a pub and seen a pint poured before. Bottle babies.
It was a slow start to the morning. Some of the more lively went out to shop for breakfast supplies, some investigated methods to stop condensation build up dripping onto their beds at night and others were finishing off the dregs of the keg. Waste not want not. If was after mid-day that we final left the Lotus. This was in part because there were only two showers among the seventeen of us and we were waiting for a surprise eighteenth member in the form of the stag’s dad to arrive.
With the light of day were able to appreciate the area in which we were staying. The NDSM district is made up of boat yards, wet and dry docks, boat building workshops and old warehouses that have been converted into coffee shops, offices and apartments. With creative graffiti covering every available wall and some cool bars dotted around reminiscent of London’s Hackney Wick this makes NDSM the epicentre of Amsterdam’s bohemian hipsters. A few minutes’ walk from the Lotus was the districts free passenger ferry that goes direct to Amsterdam Centraal Station. The ten minute trip past a decommissioned submarine and the Amstel Botel (floating hotel) was just enough fresh air to set us up for the activities of the day. First stop, a pub. The group slit into two parties depending on their priorities, team drink and team food. I had a classic burger with Old Amsterdam cheese and large fries. The first proper activity was a Heineken Brewery Tour. Now I’m not a proper beer drinker, cider is more my cup of tea. Most of it tastes the same and even after been told countless times I could not tell you what the difference between an ale, bitter, larger and a stout is. If I was to identify what my interpretation is of the classic beer taste is it would be Heineken. This very mediocre beverage aside the tour was actually rather interesting and defiantly worth a visit with lots of friendly staff and interactive sections to entertain you as you move along at your own pace. At the end of the tour was a bar where you could swap the two tokens on your wristband for half pints of the golden nectar. The bar was busy and cool industrial looking in a historic section of the brewery basement. With the sounds system playing the latest chart hits and club classics and a perfect beer pouring contest going on in the corner (the head of the beer should be level with the top of the outstretched arms on the red Heineken star) you could have been in a swanky bar in Soho. Strolling through the gift shop of Heineken branded everything we were back in the open air and heading for a boat trip down the canals. The boat was full so we were forced to take refuge in Café Berkout for another drink before then next boat arrived in an hour. The final destination of the boat trip was the A’DAM Tower which features a bar and restaurant, exhibitions, a 360-degree observation deck and ‘Over the Edge’, Europe’s highest swing. It wasn’t the dangling 100 meters above the ground that scared me, it was the guy next to me waving his phone about fearing he may drop it. Even with its fancy case it wasn’t going to bounce back from that. The next stop was Oedipus Brewing, a hipster craft beer warehouse based microbrewery. The range of drinks this place made was staggering so there was bound to be one here that I liked. If I was given enough time. This is where we stayed until close. The walk back to the docks involved many games of imaginary cricket in the middle of the road and the different cruising speeds of peoples walk resulted in team stag splitting into satellite groups. Like moths to a flame all groups independently from each other descended on the warm glowing lights of Noorderlicht Café. Of all the venues we visited over the weekend this was my favourite. It was just so cool. After a few more drinks and using some of those drink for games of beer glass curling on the frozen tables outside it was time to call it a night.
The morning started more or less like the first, the strong went for breakfast, the weak stayed in bed and the optimistic finished the dregs of the keg. We started the day splitting the group into two teams to compete one on one at Glow Golf. This was a low point for me losing to someone who makes you wonder how they tie the laces in the morning and getting the highest stroke count out of everyone. So moving swiftly on to lunch at the Satellite Sportscafe where for €12 you can get all you can eat BBQ ribs. The décor leaves something to be desired but the food is cheap and as advertised there were TV screens on the walls showing all major games going on at that point. After three plates of ribs and a crepe the size of serving dish we relocated to Sound Garden Café. It was during this commute that we realised the groups lead navigator was very optimistic with the time it took to get anywhere. Multiply the estimated time to get there by two and you were closer to the mark. This bar was in a quieter part of town and was lacking in atmosphere. Its saving grace was table football, a pool table and pinball machine. My lunch was still sitting heavy halfway down and all the beer was starting to pile on top which was not doing me any favours. If the group notice a weak member slowing down its not sympathy that will be show towards that individual. For my own sake I had to power through. Zest was the next bar on the trail and it might have been the place being a bit more lively and exciting or signs of digestion easing the level of discomfort but a second wind hit me. Sadly, this brought about a false sense of desire for beer. I did come across a rather nice wheat beer although the name of it escapes me. After a brief return to area around the Satellite Sportscafe jumping between Café De Spuyt and another fun bar opposite I’m struggling to find on the internet before the group splintered into those of us who wanted to explore the city a bit more and those who were happy to carry on the stag do drinking culture. We took a walk through the infamous Red Light District not because we were window shopping for fun but because it is an Amsterdam tourist institution, a must see regardless of your intentions while you are there. For the more innocent of visitors with nothing but the best intentions there are bars in and around the area. We had a Quick drink in Café Corso at the end of the district and watched the Formula E while waiting for a deserter from the drinking group to find us. We made our way back to Centraal to catch the last ferry back to the NDSM. Shortly after our arrival back at the Lotus various members of the other group joined staggered in, some of which walking in such a manor that it gave you them impression the boat was actually on seas rather than berthed in the docks.
Even the worst managed to regain their sea legs unnaturally quickly as we cleaned up the Lotus before we left. After thanking the ships captain for supplying the kegs we returned to Centraal for our final location of De Prael, another hipster Micro Brewer. Before entering this den of hops and yeast a bunch of un went for an exploratory walk around the block. As it turns out we were just one canal away from being back the Red Light District. It sounds harsh but the day shift girls looked tired and in need of a decent vacation. Something easy to forget is that in and around the district are offices and apartments. As we were returning to the bar a dad and his two young children came out of a flat right next to a lady in her window. It doesn’t faze them because they see it every day and has been part of the Amsterdam scene, officially and unofficially, for centuries. Back at the bar lunch was had and for the first time this trip the ratio of alcoholic beverage to non-alcoholic had shifted in favor of an AA meeting. Our return to the airport involved more issues with Amsterdam’s train system. This time it was dodgy breaks that they only discovered after we had moved 400 meters out of the station. After sitting there for an hour checking the availability of later flights or hotels they eventually moved us back to the station where a replacement train was wait. We made the departure gate with only a few minutes to spare. We had all survived an Amsterdam weekend and made it home in one piece with our dignities intact.
So, is Amsterdam the ultimate stag do location? In short yes. It has everything you need to tailor a trip here perfectly to the desires and interests of the future groom and is only a short flight away. It has culture, sport, nightlife, sex, drugs, rock and roll and as we found out an abundance drinks ranging from the mainstream to the microbreweries. Amsterdam was a very affordable place and very easy to get around on foot. Or you could join the locals and get yourself a bike. Just keep a lookout for a group of lads only looking for cars when crossing the road.
